Turning away from Christianity

[Huxley]

Two questions:

1. What was it that turned you away from christianity?

2. Did it immediately make you an atheist and if not, what happened in between?

[JulietEcho]

1. Steps that came in roughly this order:
- Around age 6-8 deciding that it wasn't very fair of God to kill so many people and in the Bible.
- Around age 10-12 deciding that Hell didn't make much sense in light of a good God.
- Around 14-16 realizing that no one seemed to agree about how to interpret the Bible, or whether it was perfect.
- Around 16-18 realizing that billions of people are fervent believers in completely different religions, and it seems like your upbringing and parents' religion usually determines yours.
- At 18 reading tons of theology and philosophy, Christian apologetics, Bertrand Russell, everything I could get my hands on, and re-evaluating my beliefs based on what I could prove vs. what had just been taken on faith.

2. I considered myself an agnostic for a few months -after that final step; basically as soon as I realized that I was far from sure of the existence of any god. After I'd thoroughly thought my position through, I switched to identifying as an atheist.

[Huxley]

Thanks for that Sarah. I wonder if others experiences fall the same way?

[Jasen777]

My story is here.

I went from Christianity to agnostic atheism pretty quick, just two weeks in between where I tried to be a deist or an agnostic theist.

[Huxley]

Thanks. I have read it and was looking for something in brief but yes I see your account. Truth to tell, regardless of what theists think, I would have no problem with the existence of God - if there was something tangible to consider.

I am pleased, for your sake, that you had determined there was no God's voice to you before you started your medication because there are many medications (Most notably Haloperidol) which stops the voices dead in their tracks - so it it was fortuitous you made that decision before commencing medication - otherwise a thesit could argue you just dont hear God because of the tablets. But I think that should be instructive to a theist in it's own right.

[happycynic]

1) Like SarahH i'll do it in steps
6-8: Didn't buy Noah's Ark or Jonah and the Whale
9-10: Read Phillip Pulman's Dark Materials Trilogy. It got thinking about religion, and I didn't like my conclusions.
10-12: Shoved the questions to a corner of my mind because questioning religion was bad, of course.
12-14: Told myself that if religion were true it could stand up to my questioning. I didn't ask much, but slowly started
shifting.
15-16: Two years of church hopping made me think about religion, an honest evaluation led me to atheism.

2) I had a phase of about 3 months where I kept rewriting what I thought god was--first he was just mis-interpreted, then he was universal, then he wasn't supernatural at all but an epiphenomena of the natural world... eventually I stopped making excuses for him and thought that it all made more sense if God didn't exist in the first place.

[Chal]

I just didn't think much about God as a child, but I think it was the problem of evil that convinced me whenever it was that I thought about it. Same reason I stopped believing in Santa.

In between I didn't call myself an atheist, I just said that I didn't know what to believe.

[Jasen777]

Thanks. I have read it and was looking for something in brief but yes I see your account.

I'll try.

20-21: Took a class in Christian Apologetics from my Christian university, was extremely unimpressed, realized Christianity couldn't be objectively proven, became a fideist. Prayers what to do after university met with silence.

22-26: My acceptence of biblical inerrency faded with realization of its historical inaccuracies, ended with the reading of a Bible with the passages arranged in (mostly) chronological of events - this made the differences in parallel passages impossible to ignore. God still refused to communicate in any fashion. They say Christianity is a relationship, can you have a relationship without communication of any kind?

26-27 - Started to realize that the world made just as much, or more, sense if there was no God, read Fosdick's A guide to Understanding the Bible which demonstrates a human development of the Bible rather than divine revelation. Studied early Christianity, it was extremely diverse from the beginning, there was no faith once handed down to the saints. Despite great efforts, could not maintain belief in God on any grounds. Tried to believe anyways, failed, and accepted that I was an agnostic atheist.

[Huxley]

That's very kind of you. I understand these processes although I must point out that I have no personal story to relate in this instance, I have always been sceptical and apart from one brief episode of deism (very brief) I never went through the disabling worries you have related.

I expect you all considered yourselves true Christians but held nagging doubts. Perhaps the resident chritians on here might read your stories and perhaps give pause for thought.

[TheDeadEye]

I was never a Christian or even a deist. I grew up with not a speck of religion and other than the usual imaginary beings (Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny), I didn't even know what a "god" was. When my sister-in-law started telling me about Jesus and hell, I didn't buy it. Sadly my older brother did buy it and he married her. I always feel sorry for him...

[Huxley]

So now he knows what hell is?

[hoverFrog]

Like TheDeadEye I was raised without religion. It still confuses me why anyone would celebrate Easter for example when it is so clearly a pagan festival, Christmas is no better, saint's days are made up. As for God, I'm still waiting for a working idea of what that is.

I did toy with Christianity briefly, also Paganism and Buddhism. I found Christianity to be full of such assumptions as to be impenetrable to honest inquiry. The simplest questions were glossed over as explained already but were never explained to me. The problem of evil being a major one. Paganism (rather Neo-Paganism) is literally made up from ideas reported about the animist traditions of earlier pagan religions. It is interesting but ultimately very obviously false. Buddhism actually offers a positive, humanist way of living but it is mired in a culture that I was unfamiliar with and laced with superstition. I still have a degree fo respect for Buddhist practices though.

I've never seriously explored Islam, Judaism or Hinduism but I have looked at them. After all my exploration it turns out that I just don't need a religion, there's no gods shaped hole that needs filling. I'd even go so far as to say that I would lose something of my quite enjoyable life if I forced a religion into my life.

[Huxley]

After all my exploration it turns out that I just don't need a religion, there's no gods shaped hole that needs filling. I'd even go so far as to say that I would lose something of my quite enjoyable life if I forced a religion into my life.

Thats good enough to be a signature.

I appreciate everyones efforts in this thread , it is very interesting, however I didnt want people to feel they had to repeat themselves. This tends to show an accumulative effect over time. I guess what I wanted to know was, what was the last straw with Christianity? The actual breakoff point?

[JulietEcho]

I guess what I wanted to know was, what was the last straw with Christianity? The actual breakoff point?

The last straw for me was the realization that people all over the world believe the doctrines of completely different religions just as fervently, and parents clearly pass their religions down to their kids. I realized that if I lived in another country, with a similarly religious family, I'd be a Muslim or a Jain or a Hindu. That's what did it.

[happycynic]

I don't think I really had a breakoff point, or one big clincher argument. It was a bunch of little things put together. Really, I think atheism is just a lot more natural for me, and whatever theistic system I was put in I would have eventually gotten back to atheism. I spose you could say that atheism is my default setting and once I was mature enough to think for myself and go against society, I drifted back to my "normal" state

[Ulrich]

I sort of just grew out of it. My family is Catholic (very liberal and "un-Roman" though, especially my mother). As a kid, I was quite God-fearing, even read the Bible in bed because I thought it was the good thing Back then, I didn't question what I was told or read, unfortunately. Who knows what I'd have thought otherwise. Anyway, my interest in religion dwindled - we had stopped attending Mass, too, because our priest was not the most pleasant one, among other reasons.

Then eventually I was supposed to attend Confirmation classes (at age 15, I think). The 'teacher' was a nice enough guy, but had a rather emotional and devotional approach to religion, which did not appeal to me (nor does it appeal to the religious part of my family, who are rather pragmatic in their beliefs). Nor did we do much "learning" at all, if I recall correctly - mainly played games, watched 'educational' movies about topics considered relevant for adolescents (I wasn't exactly a typical adolescent), and stuff. The whole group was rather chaotic. Soon my motivation to attend it hit rock bottom.

My mother tried to offer me an alternative by getting educational material - real one about religion - and having me go through it together with her. I don't exactly remember what it was, and how our "work" went, but I do remember the effect it had: I rejected confirmation altogether, and soon began to call myself an atheist.

[Huxley]

Ulrich reminds me of a time long long ago, (not a last straw story) but at my school on rainy days they would play us films from the Moody Bible Institute. (I think they are still kicking around?) Anyhoo, these films were good. They would be about experiments and studying the natural world. But at the last moment, as always happened with these films, the narrator/introducer changed from narrator to evangelist and started to comment upon how wonderful of all nature was etc and it was all a gift of the Good Lord.

At this point, peanuts were hitting the screen followed by the groans of tormented souls forced to watch this final rubbish. According to my recollections, an entire generation had already rejected these crazy ideas and I also recall the teachers offering little to no resistance. Perhaps it is indeed a cultural thing.

[Teleprompter]

I have already posted my story here.

Once I started asking myself if my beliefs could be false, as I thought about the state of the world and the qualities of religious beliefs, I just decided that the world made more sense without a religious filter and that there probably isn't a god or gods, thus my transition to agnostic atheism.

[Gundy]

I was Christian till about senior year in high school. I went to church and believed whatever my parents or my church taught me. I never really did any thinking for myself at this point, I just went with the flow.

But then one day I asked myself, "Why am I a Christian?" I then realized that this was because of how I was brought up. I was born in a Christian home, therefore I was taught Christian principles. Then I started asking myself more questions, "Would I be a Christian today if I was brought up under a different religion?", "Could I reach the conclusion that Christianity was indeed the real 'truth' on my own" and so on. Question led to question, and ultimately I came to realize that I in fact refused to believe In any religion.

I am not a "devout" atheist, because I still think there is a possibility of a "god", however slim that possibility that may be. God has not been scientifically proven or disproven, nor I have not had any personal experiences to hint that there is a god, therefore I cannot claim to have knowledge of any god. I will make one claim though, IF there is a god, he is not the Christian god that so many follow.

[bob]

I remember when I was 15, telling my steady girlfriend that I didn't believe in god. She laughed right out loud and yelled for her mom, pointing out the complete absurdity of my lack of belief.

At 17 or 18 I decided to believe in God, but not Jesus. But soon after that I accepted Jesus as my savior.

I was a Fundamentalist Baptist from about age 22-27, then became disillusioned with the church, and my own inability to live how I thought a Christian should live.

I spent the next 12-14 years in misery, unable to get any relief from my "back-slidden" guilt.

I had never, since becoming a believer, considered the notion that the god I believed in may not exist.

In 2000, at the age of 42, after typing "faith" into a search engine and reading for several hours in the hopes that I could find some help with my spiritual condition, I came across Dan Barkers Freedom From Religion Foundation website. In a matter of hours my long held faith evaporated.

I kept a short, rather haphazard diary while I was a believer, and it documents my mentality as I struggled with "sin", up to and including my deconversion. You can read it if you like.

[Huxley]

Classic story Bob. I think more Christians have deconverted reading the stories of ex priests, ministers, pastors, deacons etc than most atheist tomes put together.

Despite what people might say about them not really being Christians in the first place (which is of course rubbish) these people were once called to God. So when they defect, you just know there has been handwringing and gnashing of teeth.

Can I recommend http://ministerturnsatheist.blogspot.com/ by Joe Holman? I must state for the record I know Joe very well but I really think he has something to offer. He writes eloquently and regularly recieves death threats by the faithful so he must be doing something right.

If you think Dan barker broke the spell, wait until you read about Joe.

[Wordstolearnby]

I stopped believing in God on the first Sunday of last month while attending church, and it was after thinking exactly what SarahH thought. Religious affiliation is largely determined by when, where, and to whom people are born. For the first week after that epiphany, I thought I was an agnostic, then I heard Dawkins give an illustration of the possibility, however slight, of their being a giant cupcake or some such thing orbiting in outer space, and I realized I'm as much an atheist as a person can be.

4ish-17 evangelical Christian with total belief, but weak spiritual life
17-20 Bible college student, more serious faith
20-21 MDiv student, even more serious faith
21-24 state college student, church hopping, quiet faith
24-25 masters applicant, freedom from dogma, reason and logic rule

[HandBot]

childhood-15: Easygoing, 3-Sundays-per-month, cassarole-Methodist believer
15-17: Girlfriend made me a bigger churchgoer
18: read about St. Francis, became a lay-Franciscan monk, broke up with said girlfriend due to vow of chastity (burn!)
18-20: Gave away a third of my possessions and became a biblical "scholar"
21: In order to better evangelize atheists, I decided to look at the bible from an atheist's POV
22-25: Became agnostic (dropped the vow of chastity [like it was hot])
25: While listening to Julie Sweeney on This American Life realized, "A world without a god is quite like the world we live in now."

The following years I went through the cycle of angry atheist, really angry atheist, annoying atheist, then laissez faire atheist. The best thing about my past in regards to my atheism: believers questioning me about my atheism are shocked to know that I know more about the bible than they do.

[Huxley]

Thanks for that Bot. I have usually found that atheists are people who know the bible better than their faith amigos. Nothing makes an atheist quicker than reading it.

[hoverFrog]

"A world without a god is quite like the world we live in now."

Brilliant! I may have to use this for my signature text.